Review: Game of Thrones season 6 episode 6: Blood of my Blood

This week marks the return of a whole bunch of characters we haven’t seen in a long time, which is cool. Also, there’s anti-climactic developments in two major storylines that we’ve been hoping for ages would finally amount to something. Which is less cool, in my opinion.

Well, that was a bit disappointing. Since the previous two episodes were so incredibly action-packed I was expecting a slower one this week, but I was still hoping for more than what we got here. It’s not that it’s bad, just… uneventful. It moves some of the pieces on the board, but none of them collide with each other. In fact, in the one instance where we were expecting a long-awaited collision, the rug got pulled out from under us and now it seems we’ll have to wait even longer to get that sweet, bloody satisfaction we’ve all been craving. I’m talking about King’s Landing, obviously, so let’s start with that one.

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Review: Game of Thrones season 6 episode 5: The Door

Another week, another fantastic episode – this show is truly firing on all cylinders this season, and we’re only halfway through. Enjoy my review below and as always, beware of spoilers because I’m holding nothing back.

My friends, it seems that Game of Thrones has done it again. After seeing Dany emerge naked from the fire last week, I’d expected the show would give us some time to catch our breath. You know, maybe wait a week or two before hitting us with the next powerhouse of an episode. But no: it’s one week later, the very next episode, and they blow our minds yet again. This time there’s a moment so instantly iconic, frankly I’m surprised the fucking internet hasn’t exploded yet. A shot this powerful, this emotional, deserves to be talked about for years to come. Because let’s be honest here – have you ever, in any type of media, witnessed a close-up of a dong that was this detailed and tastefully framed?

You have? Danish arthouse movies, you say? Either that or Pornhub? Well, fuck. Forget I said anything then.

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Review: Game of Thrones season 6 episode 4 – Book of the Stranger

Tits and dragons!* They remembered! Best episode ever!

Would you look at that. One week I’m complaining about the intense lack of Daenerys nudity, one week later my prayers are answered. If I knew this was gonna happen, I’d have wished for more. Like maybe Stannis turns out to be alive after all, and hey look, it’s Oberyn Martell! He’s back too, saying his death was just a trick, the guy that got his head crushed was actually his less charismatic twin brother Bernie. They did it in that movie THE PRESTIGE, there’s no reason why it wouldn’t work here. Wouldn’t even be the most improbable thing that ever happened on this show.

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Review: CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR (2016)

I think we can all agree that THE WINTER SOLDIER is one of the very best films Marvel has released so far. There was some pressure on the Russo brothers then to outdo themselves with CIVIL WAR,  but let me tell you… they rose to the occasion. A word of warning: I feel the film has been out long enough for me to take a full spoilers approach with this review – don’t read if you haven’t seen it yet.

Yes, this is the third Captain America movie, but I think we all know that we’re dealing with a little more than that here. We’ve known that ever since Robert Downey Jr. signed on to join the cast and it became clear what the premise of CIVIL WAR was going to be: Cap and Iron Man, going head to head, each with their own team of superheroes at their back. Although he is undisputably still the lead, this is not just the continuing story of Steve Rogers, but of all of the Avengers, save for a couple of notable exceptions. It’s a 2,5 hour epic that almost feels bigger than anything Marvel has ever done, even though in other ways this is actually a much more intimate story than we’re used to seeing from them.

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Review: Game Of Thrones season 6 episode 3 – Oathbreaker

After two fast-paced episodes things slow down quite a bit in the third one. Still lots of good shit happening though – let’s get right to it.

Once again all the most interesting things happen at the Wall, where Jon Snow has finally returned from the dead. I love that this is not being played as something cool, but more as something that’s strange and unnatural and kind of messed up. Just look at Davos’ face at the very start of the episode – that does not look like the face of a man who’s happy to greet an old friend. He snaps out of it though and is there to comfort Jon when he, quite understandably, freaks the fuck out. With the exception of Melisandre, everyone is looking at him like he’s a god – or worse, a demon – and even Jon himself expresses some doubts about whether something may have changed inside of him. Enough attention is devoted to this idea to expect some developments or revelations further down the line, but for now he sure seems like the same old bastard we know and love. Still a sensitive dude, still wants to do good, still doesn’t enjoy taking lives even when he has a pretty good reason to be taking them.

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Review: Game Of Thrones season 6 episode 1 & 2 – The Red Woman & Home

We’ve waited a long goddamn time for it, but the sixth season of Game of Thrones is finally upon us. Who’s ready for weekly episode reviews? I know, I’m a week late, but it’s still a good idea. To catch up I’m reviewing the first two episodes together. Just so you know, these articles will be long, ponderous and filled to the brim with spoilers. Here goes.

So… We finally know.

We’ve been through hell together, you and I, forced to suffer for an entire year while the fate of one of our favorite characters remained shrouded in mystery. We obsessively followed the news, greedily absorbed every tiny clue that hinted at a definitive answer. Did they actually kill him? Is he truly dead, and if he is, will he stay that way? Well, we’ve finally been put out of our misery, because the truth has been revealed. The answer is yes – he really is dead. And he’s never coming back. Roose Bolton confirmed it himself by mentioning what a shame it is that they don’t know who killed him. After all, he would have liked to reward the man who took Stannis Baratheon’s life.

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Mappelboom reads the news – 20 April 2016 edition

Talking to you guys about recent movie news is something I’ve been meaning to do for a while. I don’t want to discuss all the news with you – you’ve already got a billion other sources for that I’m sure – but just the stuff that I personally think is interesting. The news that gets me excited, makes me angry, breaks my heart, or simply makes me laugh. I’m thinking one of these little articles every 1-2 weeks should be a good start. Here’s the first one.

Jason Statham to fight a giant prehistoric shark in MEG

Well, this caught me by surprise. They’ve been trying to make MEG into a movie for ages, the most recent attempt having Eli Roth (CABIN FEVER, HOSTEL) in the director’s chair. I wasn’t super comfortable with that choice, but I was happy the project was at least moving forward again. I read the book “Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror” by Steve Alten when I was still in high school and immediately knew it would make a great film. It’s about a couple of scientists who go down into a trench and accidentally bring a prehistoric supershark back up with them, as you do. The monster wreaks havoc and eats an absolute shit-ton of people, until finally our hero Jonas (that’s not too on the nose, is it?) gets swallowed by the thing and destroys its fucking heart like he’s Kevin Sorbo or something. It ROCKS.

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Review: BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE (2016)

This is another long one with a couple spoilers thrown in. Better read it when you have some time and after you’ve seen the film for yourself.

Not often has it been this difficult to judge whether a film is worth watching in the cinema or not. I’ve got a soft spot for most of director Zack Snyder’s output (I even like SUCKER PUNCH) but MAN OF STEEL left me cold. The things I appreciate most about Snyder are his eye for visuals – that feeling you could take any random screenshot from one of his films and it would look good enough to hang on your wall – and his knack for delivering exhilarating, beautifully shot action scenes. Both these qualities were lacking in the Superman reboot from 2013. It felt like Snyder was holding himself back on purpose and trying to be more like Christopher Nolan instead, who was a producer on the film. So instead of high-octane fun we got somber dialogue and grey dreariness. Instead of visually arresting, crystal-clear punch-ups we got ugly, blurry CGI and enough lens flares to give J.J. Abrams an involuntary orgasm. So the promise of a sequel already wasn’t getting me too excited… and then that extended trailer hit in December. It looked even worse than expected. Was this going to be a failure on the level of THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2?

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Review: DAREDEVIL Season 2 (2016)

Warning: this review is long, and full of spoilers.

About a year and a half ago I was browsing through the comments on a random movie website, when suddenly I found myself in the middle of a heated debate. If there was ever going to be another Punisher reboot, who should be cast as the lead? It was a question that appealed to me, as The Punisher might very well be my favorite comic book character of all time, plus I enjoyed all three movies released between 1989 and 2008. So I threw myself into the debate and made sure my suggestion was heard loud and clear. If they do another Punisher, I said, I know of only one actor who’d be the perfect choice to play him. Then I changed my mind and said no, scratch that, David Hasselhoff would be too sexy and distracting, let’s give it to Frank Grillo instead. Or Jon Bernthal, maybe? He was pretty cool in that show with the zombies. He’d probably do a decent job.

And you know what, motherfuckers? I was right!

I’ll be honest, the first season of DAREDEVIL didn’t do much for me. I liked Charlie Cox (who would’ve thought the dorky British guy from STARDUST would be so effective as an American tough guy superhero?) and I enjoyed the gritty tone of the thing. The violence was hard-hitting and made the show feel much more dangerous and edgy than the big family-friendly blockbusters we’d been used to seeing from Marvel. Occasionally they would even throw in a well done action scene, like that single take hallway fight from the second episode. It made you sit up and take notice. Holy shit, we all said to ourselves. This might turn out to be something really special.

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Review: 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE (2016)

Well this one came out of nowhere. Just two months ago there was a single trailer and now here it is, a J.J. Abrams produced maybe-sorta sequel/prequel to CLOVERFIELD? A word of warning before reading this review: it’s full of spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the film you might wanna steer clear.

10 CLOVERFIELD LANE is the type of film where most enjoyment is had by not knowing a single thing about it. You don’t wanna know too much about the story, because it’s all about tension and surprises. You don’t wanna know what genre it is, because that could give you hints on what’s coming. You don’t even wanna know how high the budget was, or whether it’s got a PG 13 or an R rating, because that will tell you what they were and weren’t able to put in their film, which can severely lower the impact of certain scenes. And finally, least of all you want to know this thing is called 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE – because that will spoil the entire fucking ending for you.

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