Review: Game of Thrones season 6 episode 6: Blood of my Blood

This week marks the return of a whole bunch of characters we haven’t seen in a long time, which is cool. Also, there’s anti-climactic developments in two major storylines that we’ve been hoping for ages would finally amount to something. Which is less cool, in my opinion.

Well, that was a bit disappointing. Since the previous two episodes were so incredibly action-packed I was expecting a slower one this week, but I was still hoping for more than what we got here. It’s not that it’s bad, just… uneventful. It moves some of the pieces on the board, but none of them collide with each other. In fact, in the one instance where we were expecting a long-awaited collision, the rug got pulled out from under us and now it seems we’ll have to wait even longer to get that sweet, bloody satisfaction we’ve all been craving. I’m talking about King’s Landing, obviously, so let’s start with that one.

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Review: Game of Thrones season 6 episode 5: The Door

Another week, another fantastic episode – this show is truly firing on all cylinders this season, and we’re only halfway through. Enjoy my review below and as always, beware of spoilers because I’m holding nothing back.

My friends, it seems that Game of Thrones has done it again. After seeing Dany emerge naked from the fire last week, I’d expected the show would give us some time to catch our breath. You know, maybe wait a week or two before hitting us with the next powerhouse of an episode. But no: it’s one week later, the very next episode, and they blow our minds yet again. This time there’s a moment so instantly iconic, frankly I’m surprised the fucking internet hasn’t exploded yet. A shot this powerful, this emotional, deserves to be talked about for years to come. Because let’s be honest here – have you ever, in any type of media, witnessed a close-up of a dong that was this detailed and tastefully framed?

You have? Danish arthouse movies, you say? Either that or Pornhub? Well, fuck. Forget I said anything then.

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Review: Game of Thrones season 6 episode 4 – Book of the Stranger

Tits and dragons!* They remembered! Best episode ever!

Would you look at that. One week I’m complaining about the intense lack of Daenerys nudity, one week later my prayers are answered. If I knew this was gonna happen, I’d have wished for more. Like maybe Stannis turns out to be alive after all, and hey look, it’s Oberyn Martell! He’s back too, saying his death was just a trick, the guy that got his head crushed was actually his less charismatic twin brother Bernie. They did it in that movie THE PRESTIGE, there’s no reason why it wouldn’t work here. Wouldn’t even be the most improbable thing that ever happened on this show.

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Review: Game Of Thrones season 6 episode 3 – Oathbreaker

After two fast-paced episodes things slow down quite a bit in the third one. Still lots of good shit happening though – let’s get right to it.

Once again all the most interesting things happen at the Wall, where Jon Snow has finally returned from the dead. I love that this is not being played as something cool, but more as something that’s strange and unnatural and kind of messed up. Just look at Davos’ face at the very start of the episode – that does not look like the face of a man who’s happy to greet an old friend. He snaps out of it though and is there to comfort Jon when he, quite understandably, freaks the fuck out. With the exception of Melisandre, everyone is looking at him like he’s a god – or worse, a demon – and even Jon himself expresses some doubts about whether something may have changed inside of him. Enough attention is devoted to this idea to expect some developments or revelations further down the line, but for now he sure seems like the same old bastard we know and love. Still a sensitive dude, still wants to do good, still doesn’t enjoy taking lives even when he has a pretty good reason to be taking them.

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Review: Game Of Thrones season 6 episode 1 & 2 – The Red Woman & Home

We’ve waited a long goddamn time for it, but the sixth season of Game of Thrones is finally upon us. Who’s ready for weekly episode reviews? I know, I’m a week late, but it’s still a good idea. To catch up I’m reviewing the first two episodes together. Just so you know, these articles will be long, ponderous and filled to the brim with spoilers. Here goes.

So… We finally know.

We’ve been through hell together, you and I, forced to suffer for an entire year while the fate of one of our favorite characters remained shrouded in mystery. We obsessively followed the news, greedily absorbed every tiny clue that hinted at a definitive answer. Did they actually kill him? Is he truly dead, and if he is, will he stay that way? Well, we’ve finally been put out of our misery, because the truth has been revealed. The answer is yes – he really is dead. And he’s never coming back. Roose Bolton confirmed it himself by mentioning what a shame it is that they don’t know who killed him. After all, he would have liked to reward the man who took Stannis Baratheon’s life.

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Review: Game Of Thrones season 5 episode 8 – Hardhome

I had no choice but to post this. Just… holy shit what an episode. You can read my thoughts on it below, but remember: trust no one and spoilers are everywhere!

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You know what’s funny? I was going to start this review by discussing that scene from the end of episode 6, seeing as I missed reviewing the last two episodes and Sansa’s ordeal spawned so much discussion and outright hatred towards the showrunners that I felt like I had to add my two cents on the matter. But then I saw this week’s episode. And after that, who the fuck cares about a tastefully executed scene that was shocking, yes, but also completely true to both the characters and the story? A scene that was not even a little bit offensive, and certainly not worth the excessive amount of venom spewed forth by clueless fuckers on the internet? I sure don’t care about things like that. Not when I have just witnessed a goddamn giant swatting ice zombies aside with a burning log!

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Review: Game Of Thrones season 5 episode 5 – Kill The Boy

Been meaning to do this for a while, so here goes. From now on, every Tuesday you can expect a review of the latest episode of Game Of Thrones, my favorite show on tv right now. Aside from Full House. Can I do Full House reviews instead?

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WARNING: These reviews will contain spoilers. Also I’ve read the books, and will refer to them on occasion.

Episode five then. Probably should have started these reviews sooner, but it’s too late now. Can’t go back and do the others, nobody gives a shit about those anymore. It’s all about the latest thing that the kids are talking about, and that thing right now is episode five. Let’s dive in, shall we?

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